bye bye blogger

hi everyone, I just changed my blog to Scribble & jot and moved to wordpress.  If you would kindly let me redirect you to scribbleandjot.wordpress.com.  I know it's all very confusing, but you should make the change in your feed/follower/whatever you use and follow me there!  Peace out, blogger.

Can I please just eat in peace?

Don't laugh at me, but I really truly think the hardest part of being a parent for me is not being able to eat by myself.  Really.  I think, once upon a time, mealtimes used to be relaxing and rejuvenating.  Like, I'd get a break from work or studying that I could just enjoy in peace with a book or a blog.  No longer.  Camryn has this crazy mom-is-eating radar and she is very much opposed to this little activity of mine.  This morning I changed her diaper, nursed her, fed her breakfast, played with her, attended to her every possible need and want for over an hour, and laid out every book and toy her little heart could possibly desire. And then my only wish in life is for 15 solitary minutes to eat my own breakfast.  Just 15 freaking minutes.  Is that too much to ask? Am I being completely unreasonable here?  I swear if I were doing anything else she would play quietly on her own for as long as I wanted but it's like she can hear me chew from 2 rooms over.  And obviously, that is a reeeeally upsetting sound and not something to be put up with.  She scoots her way over to my seat at the kitchen table and proceeds to whine, to howl, and (my personal least favorite) her throwback which basically screams "i'm alone and forgotten and my mother doesn't love me."

And I, incapable as I am of ignoring the throwback, proceed to further cater to her every wish, even though I know they aren't actually wishes, but really just evil schemes to keep me from eating.

I sneak in sips between mini tantrums, and before you know it, I finally finish my smoothie something like 45 minutes to an hour after the initial sip--which, you know, is really better, because my thick icy wonderful smoothies are better melted and lukewarm.  Cereal is kind of out of the question because I can't get through a bowl without most of it going soggy.  My lunches are usually eaten in a rush while feeding Camryn.

Meals out with my husband are awesome for lots of reasons:  time with Tanner, being out of the house, eating food I didn't have to cook.  But if I'm being truly honest with myself, the best part is devouring bite after uninterrupted bite, as slowly as I want to.

If you're wondering what to get me for my upcoming birthday, all I want is 3 consecutive Camryn-free meals.

christmas delights

ok, disclaimer.  my photography skills apparently took a divebomb last month.  These beauties are the least of all the evils.  Scrolling through my Christmas photos was a slideshow of red-eye, bad lighting, and people with their backs to me.  Oh and also, I'm committing to start taking pictures of people besides just Camryn.  

the frontrunner now runs all the way to Provo! yay!

Alison and Zach came all the way from Dallas to ride it.  Oh, and to hang out with family and stuff. 

and the billboard free ride is oh so refreshing.  way better views than the freeway

oh yes, I knitted this.  My little rosy cheeked Swedish baby. 

Christmas Eve with the Staples

this is my father-in-law Staples with my brand new niece Reese Elizabeth.  And I really wish you could tell in this picture that she is rocking the craziest baby mohawk you've ever seen

ashley unveiling the yule cake

Maren testing out the blow-your-mind fun roller coaster toy thing

all the grand-kiddies.  keep your eye on Camryn . . .

she might try and rip your clothes off

Ashley and Jana demonstrating to Claire that her new beauty makeover counter is clearly the coolest present she's ever received

Tanner's oh-so-sexy new getup

and onward to the Bramhall's for Christmas Day. . . 

new infant hiking pack!! we're really excited about this one.  It made me really excited for spring, but we've actually already used it.  Twice.   Thanks mom and dad!

now if that face doesn't just melt your heart

sippy cup training with aunt Alison

oh my adorable Nolan.  Using his new walker like a champ and showing up the Staples baby at every level of motor skills development.  Also, on hair growing.  They've already chopped off something like 4 inches of to die for curly locks and it's still longer than Camryn's. 

Maddy sporting a way attractive face + the tackiest of all tacky Christmas sweaters that has lasted at least 3 decades and 3 Bramhall sisters

Camryn thinking "he got this and all I got was this stupid cape?"

7 quick takes around our house

This blogger that I really like does "7 quick takes" every Friday and even though it's not Friday and even though it's probably not a good practice to copy other bloggers unless you are participating in their link-ups I'm, uh, doing it anyway because 7 quick takes just seems to me like a really good excuse for putting a bunch of unrelated items in the same post which you just feel like doing sometimes when bloggers block has got you down.

1.    me:  "Someone in Relief Society today said that their stay at home mom friend lists her occupation on Facebook as CEO of the Smith Household.  I like that."
Tanner:  "So. . . if you're CEO at our house, what does that make me?"
me:  "Like, Assistant Manager?"

2.    me:  "hey dear, could you take out the trash?"
Tanner:  "ya. . . can I do it in like April when it's not 15 degrees outside?"

3.   Remember the our lovely staircase of death (pictured here)?  A genuine disaster of 8 metal steps covered in a nice thick layer of ice and snow that almost broke the back of my husband last week and did break a wheel off the stroller he was hauling?  It has claimed it's second victim (that we know of):  The FedEx guy.  We heard a knock at the door and then (I wish I could convey sound effects through a computer screen)  thump thump (times 8).  We rush outside to find a new package at the top of the stairs and Mr. FedEx at the bottom, nursing wounded pride and backside alike, apologizing for knocking over one of my pots.  It's probably not ok to laugh at others pain, but it was kind of hilarious.

4.   Can I just throw one teeny tiny temper tantrum real quick?  It's so dang coooooold!!!!  All the time.  With no relief or sunshine and I'm stuck inside all day and it really bites.
Ok done.

5.   A fellow mom I met at the park back in those sunshiny days when we went to the park and breathed not-frozen air and sat on not-frozen grass, said that if she were ever rich enough, she had a dream to build an indoor heated playground right in the middle of south of campus Provo to save the sanity of all the car-less Provo moms who had to survive winters with toddlers and had nowhere else to go.  I support this project.

6.  I don't really watch t.v. but lately have started due to freezing temperatures and hours I spend bookbinding, and I got hooked on Parenthood.  I am trucking through season 4 on OnDemand and I know I'm behind, but I have one issue.  The episode where Julia looses her (high profile lawyer) job and transitions to being a stay at home mom?  She's at her kids school and some of the other moms have found out, so they invite her to come participate in their mom coffee hour.  Which is fine.  Except that they are characterized as completely ditzy, perky, gossipy, unintelligent, silly women.  Which completely bugs me on one million levels because there couldn't possibly be any other moms in her same position who are educated, interesting, normal and intelligent and have either lost their jobs, can't find work, or who have chosen to stay home.  Heaven forbid they portray that kind of group of moms who invite her into their circle and offer support, friendship, and intelligent adult conversation and make her feel better about the whole thing.  Instead they're all obnoxious, frivolous, stay-at-home women because, obviously, that's how we all really are in real life.  Thanks, NBC.  We really appreciate it.

7.  I have to go get a crown at the dentist today.  bah humbug.

blog spying

Sometimes I decide I want to make my blog look better.  And I googlesearch "blog templates" and tinker with blogger for a little while until my brain explodes from annoyance and my eyes are burning from all the cutsiness and I start to think that the only people in this world who blog do it all about scrapbooking, technicolored kittens and all other things exploding from tackiness.   And editing html hurts my brain and I start to wonder how people with classy looking not-tacky blogs do it.  And then I decide that I don't care enough.  And then my blog ends up looking exactly the same.

And then I actually write a blog post.

Which brings me to what this blog post is actually about:

blog spying.

Whenever I find people's blogs, I kind of feel like I'm spying on them.  Guilty.  Like I found their secret diary and am learning all their deepest secrets.  I know I shouldn't feel like that because, hello, they posted this on the internet for all the world to see.  Lots of times they posted it to Facebook.  But sometimes I don't think people think about the fact that that means that every single one of their hundreds of facebook friends now have access to that.  Not just the ones that are active Facebookers that you see on your feed all the time.  Not just the friends and family you know are reading your blog because they comment or mention it when they see you.  Also, when you post a blog link post to Facebook, they don't just have access to that post, that link is an avenue to all of your posts.  So even though you might just be linking to some cute pictures of your kid or a celebration that finals are finally over, anyone that clicks there can easily find that oh-so-self-revealing confessional post you wrote 2 years ago about who knows what that you should probably just go back and delete altogether.

I always feel weird if I'm reading someone's blog without them knowing, so I always become a follower and/or comment at least once.  Otherwise, isn't it weird to know things about someone and then talk to them in real life pretending like you don't?  When I stumble upon something really personal (sometimes awkwardly, deeply, toomuchinformation, did-they-really-post-this-on-the-internet? personal) I feel like I have to tell them.  Like "hey uh, hi.  I'm that girl who talks to you sometimes in English class and I'm going to see you there on Thursday and I just thought you should know that I found your blog today and now all of a sudden I know a lot of personal stuff about you that you've never told me/we've never talked about and I just want you to know that so that you know what I know."

It would be easy here to just berate those that expose all the details of their life on social media;  tell them to get a life and keep private things private, but I don't think it's altogether a bad thing.  Sometimes those are the blogs I appreciate the most--the ones that are honest and real and sometimes expose the knitty gritty because it's part of our existence.  Some people have carved out this little space for themselves on the world wide web where they can express themselves openly and honestly, and get support from their blogging community.  I think it's kind of amazing that that kind of expression is available to us--to be able to connect with people all over the world who share your interests instead of being confined to the ones in your own geographical location.  To be able to tell a story to your sisters, your college roommates, your friends since 1st grade, and your current acquaintances all at once even though none of them will ever be in the same room together and get their reactions and feedback is pretty cool.

And isn't it kind of weird and terrible but also weird and awesome that in our culture, getting to know someone doesn't actually necessarily mean you spend time with them and talk to them before you know everything about them? To find out what they were like in high school, you don't to wait until you are are invited to their parents house and stumble upon an old photo album.  You don't have to come over for dinner to find out they love to cook and grab a few of their favorite recipes, or have endless conversations with them to know that they love to read and what their favorite books are and why they like them so much.  Even if you're just a casual once-in-a-while blogger, tweeter, instagrammer or facebooker, think about how much of you is on the internet! Most of those sites link up to one another and every time you accept a friend request of a barely acquaintance, if they want to take the time to do a little stalking there is a loooooot there.  Which, like I said, is kind of weird and creepy, but I also kind of love it.  Sometimes I like people a lot more in real life when I've tiptoed around their online presence a little bit.  Sometimes they are less intimidating, or I find out their struggles and treat them a little more kindly than I may have, or I discover we have a ton of common interests that I probably wouldn't have known until I'd been their friend a lot longer.  Or maybe I never would have pursued a real friendship with them at all, but now I want to.

I feel though that blogging is the most intimate of all social media.  It gets down to so much of a more personal level than pictures, facebook statuses or tweets.  So maybe that's why I get the blog spying guilt.  Sometimes I feel like I've found something very personal that belongs to someone that I'm not on a personal level with yet.

And. . . sometimes I get to the end of a post and I don't know what my point is, but I think this time it's:
if you're stalking my blog, you should probably tell me!

that's all :)

resolutions.

oh, resolutions.

i take them very seriously.  And subconsciously, whether I want to or intend to or not, they start simmering in the back of my brain around Thanksgiving time.  I'm not one to half-heartedly throw something on this list--I'm very intentional about it.  Nothing too unrealistic, but I want to dream big and stretch myself.

I think I want to make a To Read list.  so far, I have

• Dinner: A love story
• Flight behavior
• Galileo's daughter
• These is my words
• Happier at Home
• The Lemon Tree
• What Kind of Nation?
• The Perks of Being a Wallflower

a biking goal.  Mileage?  a race completion?
a To Hike list?
definitely a bookmaking goal
change some habits--like bringing my reusable bags to the grocery store, like cleaning up before, during and after the process of cooking a meal, like getting ready before 11 a.m. everyday
compile a family history binder
start listening to music again.  and playing it.
make this rug.  anyone want to do it with me??
knit an infinity scarf

Then other sources start adding their ideas:

should I try a 365 project?  365 handmade books?  365 entries in a gratitude journal?  365 new recipes? 365 blog posts?(yikes, I wouldn't want to overwhelm you)

should I pick One Little Word?

Then I feel a little bit of guilt and start thinking about some goals I should add.
like scripture study, temple attendance, keeping my house clean (and more organized), service projects, waste less time on the internet, eat more vegetables.

Also, the funeral I attended this week for Tanner's grandmother got me thinking about how no one was listing off all of the amazing things that this woman had done, they were talking all about of the amazing things that she was.  Maybe I should focus my goals on to be items instead of to do items.  Positivity, humility, patience anyone?

Why do I over think this so much?  I think it's because a) i like to make goals and resolutions, and b) I really don't want to be one of those people that quickly abandon or forget about their resolutions, and/or  look back on them come next December and feel like a failure because they didn't accomplish anything they set out to.  I think for me, it's not exactly about having a checklist of goals, but more about taking a look at how I'm living, what I'm spending my time on, and deciding what looks good and what I want to be different.  Looking back on this last year, I realized I spent a lot of time on things that were new to me:  raising a child, knitting, biking, blogging, bookbinding.  I like that.  This year though, I think I'll try and improve on some of those things instead of embarking on a new handful of hobbies.

What are your resolutions this year? Do you actually complete yours or have you completely forgotten them by Valentines day?  Has setting a resolution ever pushed you to really accomplish something that mattered to you?  Have anything I need to add to my reading list?  Have you ever set a goal with someone?  I think that might be fun.

Behold, the face of pure happiness

 

That's right, my child is pretty much excited out of her mind about 2 things:  waking up to ridiculous amounts of snow, and the infant hiking pack that my parents got us for Christmas.  So, I think I've effectively brainwashed her on at least the most important things.  I felt more than a little bit ridiculous this morning walking around the neighborhood with this thing on my back, but. . . not ridiculous enough to stop me.  Because, hello, there were six fresh inches of snow, there was no way I wasn't going to go out in it, and there was also no way I  wanted to push the stroller through it.  Make that our backup, hand me down from a friend jogging stroller, as our regular stroller is currently Out of Order thanks to the stairway of death (pictured below) that Tanner slipped down the other day (the whole thing, top to bottom), because it was covered in 2 solid inches of ice, stoller in hand, leaving me nearly widowed and our stroller missing a limb (aka wheel, snapped clean off).

Anyways, we are all thrilled about the hiking backpack, including and especially Camryn.  If there are any Provo moms out there fortunate enough to have one too, I am your woman if you need a hiking buddy to spend the summer with.

Poor Buddy. . . we probably should have gotten him a cover for Christmas. . .

The Staircase of Death: