mealtime blues

Upon discovering graham crackers, Camryn kind of decided that she doesn't want to eat anything that's not graham crackers ever ever ever again.  And it might be causing me something of a breakdown at the moment.  Because I'm pretty sure that only feeding your kid one food is a bad parenting technique and is how you end up on a "my 2 year old is obese" episode of Maury or Dr. Phil, but how important are vegetables, really?  Important enough to spend an hour each mealtime battling her various methods of objection to everything I try to feed her?  and by various methods I mean 1) blowing spit bubbles every time she spies an approaching spoon 2) throwing all non-graham cracker finger foods on the floor, 3) repetitions of what I like to call her "slump and thrust" move and generally just acting like her high chair is a prison to be escaped 4) screaming.  which is really quite rude, unnecessary, uncalled for, and unladylike if you ask me.  

oh, and scowling at me

We are not on very good terms right now, she and I.  

For a while now, I've been getting her to eat foods she doesn't like by trading off bites between vegetable and graham cracker.  But she's on to me.  And it seems that the days are past when she's content with a 50/50 chance that what's going into her mouth will taste good.  Also, toy diversions are long past effective.  I am one stumped and out of patience momma. 

Adjusting to baby-raising

I'm linking up with Merrick's blog today to answer the question what is your greatest accomplishment of 2012? I thought about it really hard and obviously I could say birthing a human but let's be honest that's something my body was going to do whether I liked it or not so I asked myself, what have I done this year that I feel really accomplished about? And I decided it's that I've figured out how to be happy in my new role--I feel like I have finally reached a good level of contentment in doing my job as a full time baby-raiser.  (I just realized I really hate the term stay at home mom.  Is it because stay seems like such a passive almost non-verb?  Is it because it makes it sound like you are a hermit whose responsibilities lie solely within 4 walls that you don't ever actually leave?  Is it because when people claim it they often put a self-degrading "just" in front of it?  I'm "just" a stay at home mom.  I "just" stay home with the kids.  As if we're ashamed that we don't do something more important with our time and wished we could claim some nobler title.  I really admire this lady and the way she stated "I'm a Mom" when asked what she does for a living.  Just is just one word but it makes such a difference, no?
We should do away with the term SAHM altogether (and certainly the acronym) and replace it with baby-raising.  or full time nurturer?  Mother of one? professional caregiver? (no, that one sounds like I work in a nursing home)  I'm done now.  Making this the longest parenthesis I've used to date.)

It took some time to get used to though.  It's not a job that comes with an automatic daily sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.  It took a lot of work, effort, and thought on my part to figure out how to feel fulfilled everyday.  So in case you new or someday-to-be moms who will stay at home with your babies don't feel like you've received enough advice, here is some from me :)  But first I want to point out these things are what I've discovered so far to be helpful.  Everyone is different and I think it's really important to figure out what exactly it is that you need to be happy in your role.

1)  Get ready every day.  This is important.  When the biggest item on your to-do list for the whole day is "return some library books"  or "grocery shop"  it's really easy to feel like it's pointless to ever get dressed, fix your hair, or put on any makeup.  But let me tell you, sweats and no makeup every day gets depressing really fast.  Yes, there will definitely be occasional days when it's fine to not get ready (especially that first little newborn while) but for the most part, do it.  Even if the only people you will see that day are your baby, your husband, and maybe the bank teller.  Even if it's just mascara, jeans and t-shirt.  You'll feel so much better about yourself.  I took that advice from this little blog here and it really made a difference.

2) Make exercising a priority.  This one as always been an easy one for me, but I know for a lot of people it's not--but I believe in endorphins!! They're real.  There are so many excuses not to, but instead of using those, find excuses to do it.  Go to classes at the gym.  If you can't afford a gym pass, ride your bike.  If you don't have a bike, go running.  If you don't have a jogging stroller, get a babysitter for 30 minutes and go by yourself.   Or buy a video.  None of your excuses are good ones!

3) Don't forget the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  It's really easy to think "if I just had this one other little thing I'm missing, I would be totally happy."  It's easy to miss the intellectual stimulation and challenge we felt in school, or the fulfillment your work gave you, whether it was just adult conversation, recognition for your efforts, or the feeling of contributing to society and bringing home income.  Staying at home with your baby has it's amazingly gratifying aspects, but it's not always the funnest thing in the world.  When it's not, just remember that sometimes studying was miserable and sometimes work was boring.

4)  Form a network.  Knowing a lot of other new moms has made me feel a looot less isolated.  Like, a looooooot.  Hanging out with people in my same situation and blogging have kind of saved me.

5) Find something stimulating, challenging, and significant to do with some of your time.  This is probably the biggest one for me.  After everything else, I just have a lot more down time than I've had, oh, ever.  I didn't know what to do with myself all day or when Camryn was sleeping and I couldn't go anywhere, and small hobbies like reading and knitting just weren't cutting it for me.  I'd end up feeling really unproductive and useless.  Learning bookbinding has given me something to do that is challenging, stimulating, really fulfilling and takes a lot of time.  Now, when Camryn takes a nap, I have something meaningful to me to go do instead of just "well, I guess I'll fold some laundry, make some muffins, and read some blogs."  In addition to the bookbinding, I have a big writing project in the works and on my mind.  Those two things are huge in helping me have goals that I'm working towards and progressing instead of just feeling like I do the same thing every day.

6)  Go outside.

Feel free to comment if you have any amens or thoughts to add to the list!

Learning Parenting Lessons

Part two of two

Naked baby is happier than clothed baby. Always.

Binkies are like bobby pins. It doesn't matter if you have a pack of 3 or 300, you with loose all of them until you have one left and you will keep that one forever because you can't afford to loose it--the consequences of getting caught without one are too terrible.

Just because your baby was an angel and slept amazing for the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th months of their lives, doesn't mean that you have somehow accidentally stumbled upon the secret to parenthood and that everyone who is up all night with their babies is just missing some special touch that you seem to possess. You may have an unpleasant shocker coming for you month 5.

Bananas 4 days in a row will make your baby constipated. Which they may fail to mention on the THIRTY + websites you consulted on how/when/what to start your baby on solid foods as they happily ramble away about other less important facts and tips. The nurse at your pediatricians office (and your mother) may laugh at you for not knowing this (and that rice cereal and apples are the other 2 things that cause this unfortunate condition and that oh--those happen to be the other 2 most common things suggested as offering your baby as their 1st foods, again, with no warning attached) and tell you to feed your baby prunes and/or pear juice to help. But the nurse at your pediatricians office has probably never tried to feed a baby prunes before (after approximately 2 hours of repeated efforts and one full laundry hamper later, exactly zero of that food made it to any place that it might do any good). And you may have not given your baby a bottle in about 2 months (oops) so she doesn't really take those any more apparently, so the pear juice isn't happening. Moral of this story is don't feed your baby bananas (or apples or rice cereal) 4 days in a row. Call it a rookie mistake, but I'm blaming it on the internet.

Crumpled up pieces of paper make a remarkably entertaining toy for a 5 month old. Sometimes they are better toys than actual toys. So don't throw away all those random free parenting magazines they keep sending you. But don't let her get a hold of the program in church, because they happen to be loud distracting toys.

Constantly nagging your husband to pull out the video camera will definitely pay off with some adorable videos. And you may even get 6 straight minutes of footage of her making that high pitched, not quite a scream, not quite a laugh, I like to call it more like shrieks of joy sound.

When parking at the grocery store, you don't park in the closest spot like you have for your entire driving career. You park in the spot right next to the cart return thing. This way you can put your baby in the car while you unload your groceries and put the cart away. Thank you Emily for this genius tip. Ever tried to pick up and transport a watermelon while you have a baby attached to your front in a sling? Not happening.

For the next many years of my life, leaving the house will not be a simple grab my phones, keys, credit card, and (if I'm embarking on a very complicated series of errands) a purse. Leaving the house now is a whole diaper-bag bonanza. This has been accepted and gotten over.

Online Moms

If you are a new mom like me (which some of you are) and have turned to google more often than your own mother for your new-mommy questions, you may have encountered the sometimes hilarious community of online moms.  Bless their hearts, they are sympathetic, supportive, oh-so-opinionated, and looove to share pictures.  Not to mention open-- there is no question so personal, weird, or gross that some mom somewhere has not posted her answer to.  They have one million inside jokes, love to laugh in an i-know-exactly-what-you-mean-my-kids-do-that-too kind of way, and even have their own language-- I have long been familiar with instant messaging shortcuts like LOL, BTW, BRB etc. . . but until recently had yet to encounter these little items that are thrown out left and right by online moms:  BF (breast feeding), LO (little one), MIL (mother in law).  But the thing that really prompted this post happened the other day while online shopping for diapers (awesome I know).  I was searching for a good deal and cheap little old me was wondering if Kirkland Signature (Costco) diapers would be as good as Huggies (I've been repeatedly warned by some of the cheapest people I know not to go cheap on diapers and just break down now and buy the expensive huggies).  That's when I noticed that there were no less than 2628 product reviews for the box of diapers I was contemplating purchasing.  That's two thousand six hundred and twenty eight.  !!.  Curiosity kicked in.  I took a peek.  And proceeded to get a little glimpse of 2,628 moms telling the world exactly how many times a day their child poops, at what time of day, what it looks like (color, texture, smell, I haven't heard that much poop talk since 2 months in Guatemala) how much their child weighs, and (at least the most relevant information)  how many blowouts they experience per day using each available brand of diaper on the market.  Yikes!  After weighing said advice carefully I purchased a giant box of Costco diapers.  Haven't busted it open yet.  But when I do, I'll save you all the experience of having to read about that experience and just refer you to 2,628 other online moms who would be happy to help you!

Gross

Ever had a baby hurl a gallon of spit up down your shirt?  I'm talking down the shirt, not just on it.  Ya, it's gross.

Disney on Ice

Tanner and I went to Disney on Ice: Toy Story 3 last Saturday night. The tickets were Tanner's birthday present. (kind of juvenile, I know, but my husband is kind of juvenile. . .) Tanner's family was kind enough to watch Camryn while we got our first date night out since becoming new parents. I'm pretty sure we were the only people there without a child in tow and it was quite the night for people watching. It was weird observing this demographic as an outsider on the very brink of entering the club: people with kids. People who have probably watched their toy story 3 DVD 800 times. People who spend $18 on a red foam cowgirl hat with a Jessie braid (that probably only cost 10 cents to manufacture) just to watch the recipient complain that she wants the Woody one that her brother got. People who miss half of the show because their 4 year old (who takes stairs very slowly) has to go to the bathroom. twice. People who are completely oblivious to the fact that the little girl sitting on their lap has a very unnaturally blue colored food all over her face. And hands. And clothes. And hair. People who listen to plea after tearful plea for them to spend their money on completely pointless and overpriced cheap toys and/or toy shaped sugar coated treats. People who give in and leave the show cross-eyed because the light up spinny whirly toy they purchased is already out of batteries 1 hour later. People who get harassed for ice skating lessons for weeks after Disney on Ice.

I'm not quite one of those people yet. Just a wide-eyed stranger prepping myself.

So Proud

Baby girl slept through he night! I am so excited out of my mind. 11-5:30 :) Nevermind that I woke up at 4 anyway just because my body was used to having to. Or that after feeding her at 5:30 I couldn't go back to sleep because I was so excited (and because I had Camryn on my left hiccuping and Tanner on my right snoring) and so technically I lot less sleep than normal but who cares! My little girl slept through the night! The pride welling up inside of me at 5:30 this morning was out of this world. Wait til she does something truly extraordinary like say her first word, tie her own shoes, or enter the 1st grade. I'll be bursting! For now, I've been lavishing her with praise all morning. Hopefully the positive reinforcement will encourage her to repeat this behavior!

Irrational Fears

Baby monitors freak. me. out. Don't tell me it's a weird thing to be afraid of--this is genuine. I think it goes back to my baby-sitting days when I heard too many of those scary stories/movies where the babysitter starts getting creepy phone calls and there is a serial killer in the kids room, or the parents come home to find them all chopped to pieces in the living room. As if there isn't already something a little unsettling about being alone at night, the monitor has to make that sound . . . the low buzz with the lights that flicker at any slight change in decibel readings. It makes me feel like I'm in the part of a scary movie when the scary music starts and the whole audience knows that something bad is about to happen and any second i'm going start hearing something else through the monitor like heavy footsteps, slow raspy breathing, or a voice. yikes.

Right now I don't have much need to use our monitors since she still sleeps in a bassinet right by my bed, but soon she will graduate to an actual crib in a different room and . . . I really don't think I can sleep at night with that low creepy buzz of impending doom. What's a mom to do?

long sleepless night

I forgot to knock on wood after my last post. A huge oversight on my part. Today Camryn was not an easy baby. She woke up at 1 a.m. , 3 a.m., 6 a.m. . . . it was a very long night. Sleeping with a newborn baby right next to you is kind of like trying to sleep on a plane. You are desperately, miserably tired and want sleep more than you've ever wanted anything, and you keep deluding yourself into thinking you can get it--but every time you try, you fail. That's how last night was. And then today was pretty much more of the same. We'll be optimistic about tonight.
I don't want to be one of those parents who post endless streams of cute pictures of their children. But . . . a certain sister of mine in Texas who has not yet seen my baby has demanded more photos. And until I find an easier way of getting them to her--here they are! And let's be honest--she is exceptionally cute.







The nurses in the NICU told me that when I give her a bath, I should keep her swaddled in her blanket and put her straight in the bath. That seemed really weird to me but the first bath--I didn't do it and she screamed bloody murder the whole time. After that, I tried it and she loved her bath. The swaddle blanket keeps her nice and warm!

new mom holla

I love being this little girls mom. Have you ever heard a brand new mom tell you that this is easier than she thought it was going to be? Well I am going to--at the risk of making others with more difficult new babies hate me. (And also at the risk making long-time mothers laugh at me and say "oh you just wait"--which is exactly what the nurses did at the hospital when I burst out "ohhh she's even cute when she cries!!) This is easier than I thought it was going to be. It started with my labor and delivery being a piece of cake. Now, I now that everyone is different and many people do have truly grueling, exhausting, painful, miserable deliveries. But I am going to share my experience as a shout out to any of my pregnant friends who are terrified of delivering their baby (those birthing class videos don't exactly calm this type of anxiety). I worked that day until 6 p.m., started having contractions at 6:30, and by 8:00 was admitted to the hospital. I'd planned on an epidural but had no idea how easy everything would be after that big old needle made all of my pain go away. I will say--contractions hurt bad, but at least you get breaks in between each one to recover, right? And honestly I had 20 minutes of I-think-I-might-die painful contractions before that beautiful epidural worked it's magic and then it was all over. 20 minutes. No big deal. That 20 minutes though definitely give me a respect for the millions of women through the ages who have delivered babies without any kind of pain reflief (I'm reminded of this book I had to read for anthropology class called The Harmless People all about the bushmen in Africa. If I remember right there was an entire chapter dedicated to how women give birth--which basically boiled down to this: when they start having contractions, the go off alone into the brush and don't come back until they've delivered their baby. Alone. Yikes) That said I really don't understand why people still choose to do this without an epidural. I consider it a blessing. Embrace it ladies. It is sweet warm wonderful pain relief and I was happy as can be, not in pain, and not exhausted when I held Camryn for the first time. (At 11:30. Only 5 hours, lucky me!)
6 lbs. 14 oz. 19 inches long. She spend a couple of days in the NICU because of some scaring choking/oxygen issues she had the first day, and then some low blood sugar concerns, but after a couple of days she was doing great and we got to take her home!
I thought my new baby would be crying all the time, but really she isn't. I spend more time trying to wake her up for feedings than trying to get her to fall asleep. I thought I would be miserably tired all of the time--but I didn't count on the fact that I get long naps in the middle of the day when Camryn is taking them. Those definitely make the 3:30 and 6:30 feedings a lot more doable. I thought I would get totally bored and stir crazy being inside alone all day--not quite there yet. She keeps me so busy that I don't have time to be bored. (and who really wants to go outside in Utah in February anyway unless it's in the mountains?)
And even when rolling out of bed at 2 or 3 a.m. is really really hard, I get to pick up this totally beautiful little girl looking up at me with huge adorable eyes and just die at how cute she is. The fact that I have to go change her diaper and then feed her for half an hour in the middle of the night is totally ok.
I used to consider myself a very optimistic person, but I think somewhere lately I've lost some of that. Not that I was a basket case or anything but there are a lot of bad "what ifs" that come with having a baby and I think I spent too much time entertaining them. What if. . . I can't handle sleep deprivation, what if her crying makes me crazy, what if I miss working and studying and don't like being a stay-at-home?, what if I get depressed and stir crazy, never get my body back, etc. . . There are a lot of bad things that could happen and might happen, but my advice to any future moms is to not worry about any of that. One tiny little cute look on her face instantly makes up for every bad anything and just fills me up with love for this beautiful little girl. She makes it easy by being so dang easy to love.