so. . . now that I can, I might just keep posting videos of my baby.  ok? ok.  

no one's forcing you to stick around. 

this one is really old, but kind of hilarious. 

and yes, her hat is fantastic. 

mealtime blues

Upon discovering graham crackers, Camryn kind of decided that she doesn't want to eat anything that's not graham crackers ever ever ever again.  And it might be causing me something of a breakdown at the moment.  Because I'm pretty sure that only feeding your kid one food is a bad parenting technique and is how you end up on a "my 2 year old is obese" episode of Maury or Dr. Phil, but how important are vegetables, really?  Important enough to spend an hour each mealtime battling her various methods of objection to everything I try to feed her?  and by various methods I mean 1) blowing spit bubbles every time she spies an approaching spoon 2) throwing all non-graham cracker finger foods on the floor, 3) repetitions of what I like to call her "slump and thrust" move and generally just acting like her high chair is a prison to be escaped 4) screaming.  which is really quite rude, unnecessary, uncalled for, and unladylike if you ask me.  

oh, and scowling at me

We are not on very good terms right now, she and I.  

For a while now, I've been getting her to eat foods she doesn't like by trading off bites between vegetable and graham cracker.  But she's on to me.  And it seems that the days are past when she's content with a 50/50 chance that what's going into her mouth will taste good.  Also, toy diversions are long past effective.  I am one stumped and out of patience momma. 

Spinning in circles

I  bring you:  the first video. 

Because who knew that you have to upload it as a photo and not as a video to get it to work??

I love you blogger. (not)

In all of it's glory and 5 different disclaimers:

It's 5 minutes long and probably entertaining for 5 entire minutes only if you share my blood. And even then, I'm not making any promises.

Yes, I do realize that what she's doing isn't that funny.  Mom's and grandma's sometimes think their posterity is more adorable than strangers do. 

Yes, my mother does have an awesome laugh.  Thank you for noticing. 

Someday I will learn to shut up while I take home videos.  I apologize in advance.  

Ok, now you can watch it if you still want to. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Staples had FORTY THREE people over.  Add I repeatedly reminded myself to never volunteer to make thanksgiving dinner for 43 people. 

Emily's new baby Reese

After dinner there were about 8 women scavenging for leftovers.  Zip lock bags galore. 

And then we made it to the Bramhall celebration . . . 

Happy Thanksgiving all

Adjusting to baby-raising

I'm linking up with Merrick's blog today to answer the question what is your greatest accomplishment of 2012? I thought about it really hard and obviously I could say birthing a human but let's be honest that's something my body was going to do whether I liked it or not so I asked myself, what have I done this year that I feel really accomplished about? And I decided it's that I've figured out how to be happy in my new role--I feel like I have finally reached a good level of contentment in doing my job as a full time baby-raiser.  (I just realized I really hate the term stay at home mom.  Is it because stay seems like such a passive almost non-verb?  Is it because it makes it sound like you are a hermit whose responsibilities lie solely within 4 walls that you don't ever actually leave?  Is it because when people claim it they often put a self-degrading "just" in front of it?  I'm "just" a stay at home mom.  I "just" stay home with the kids.  As if we're ashamed that we don't do something more important with our time and wished we could claim some nobler title.  I really admire this lady and the way she stated "I'm a Mom" when asked what she does for a living.  Just is just one word but it makes such a difference, no?
We should do away with the term SAHM altogether (and certainly the acronym) and replace it with baby-raising.  or full time nurturer?  Mother of one? professional caregiver? (no, that one sounds like I work in a nursing home)  I'm done now.  Making this the longest parenthesis I've used to date.)

It took some time to get used to though.  It's not a job that comes with an automatic daily sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.  It took a lot of work, effort, and thought on my part to figure out how to feel fulfilled everyday.  So in case you new or someday-to-be moms who will stay at home with your babies don't feel like you've received enough advice, here is some from me :)  But first I want to point out these things are what I've discovered so far to be helpful.  Everyone is different and I think it's really important to figure out what exactly it is that you need to be happy in your role.

1)  Get ready every day.  This is important.  When the biggest item on your to-do list for the whole day is "return some library books"  or "grocery shop"  it's really easy to feel like it's pointless to ever get dressed, fix your hair, or put on any makeup.  But let me tell you, sweats and no makeup every day gets depressing really fast.  Yes, there will definitely be occasional days when it's fine to not get ready (especially that first little newborn while) but for the most part, do it.  Even if the only people you will see that day are your baby, your husband, and maybe the bank teller.  Even if it's just mascara, jeans and t-shirt.  You'll feel so much better about yourself.  I took that advice from this little blog here and it really made a difference.

2) Make exercising a priority.  This one as always been an easy one for me, but I know for a lot of people it's not--but I believe in endorphins!! They're real.  There are so many excuses not to, but instead of using those, find excuses to do it.  Go to classes at the gym.  If you can't afford a gym pass, ride your bike.  If you don't have a bike, go running.  If you don't have a jogging stroller, get a babysitter for 30 minutes and go by yourself.   Or buy a video.  None of your excuses are good ones!

3) Don't forget the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  It's really easy to think "if I just had this one other little thing I'm missing, I would be totally happy."  It's easy to miss the intellectual stimulation and challenge we felt in school, or the fulfillment your work gave you, whether it was just adult conversation, recognition for your efforts, or the feeling of contributing to society and bringing home income.  Staying at home with your baby has it's amazingly gratifying aspects, but it's not always the funnest thing in the world.  When it's not, just remember that sometimes studying was miserable and sometimes work was boring.

4)  Form a network.  Knowing a lot of other new moms has made me feel a looot less isolated.  Like, a looooooot.  Hanging out with people in my same situation and blogging have kind of saved me.

5) Find something stimulating, challenging, and significant to do with some of your time.  This is probably the biggest one for me.  After everything else, I just have a lot more down time than I've had, oh, ever.  I didn't know what to do with myself all day or when Camryn was sleeping and I couldn't go anywhere, and small hobbies like reading and knitting just weren't cutting it for me.  I'd end up feeling really unproductive and useless.  Learning bookbinding has given me something to do that is challenging, stimulating, really fulfilling and takes a lot of time.  Now, when Camryn takes a nap, I have something meaningful to me to go do instead of just "well, I guess I'll fold some laundry, make some muffins, and read some blogs."  In addition to the bookbinding, I have a big writing project in the works and on my mind.  Those two things are huge in helping me have goals that I'm working towards and progressing instead of just feeling like I do the same thing every day.

6)  Go outside.

Feel free to comment if you have any amens or thoughts to add to the list!

some odds and ends

I am really really loving bookbinding.  I've been slowly collecting supplies (why am I so attracted to the most expensive of hobbies?) and have finally started producing completed notebooks and they are beeeautiful if I do say so myself.  Or maybe it's just my notebook loving self that thinks so.  Who doesn't love new fresh notebooks though?  And the decorative papers, oh the beautiful papers--I went to Reules in Salt Lake (an art supply store) this week to buy paper and I could have spent a million dollars.  For those of you who are still foreign to the whole bookbinding thing, I'll probably go snap happy/picture posting crazy once my new camera charger arrives (I finally gave up on finding the lost one) and you can see what I've been talking about.  I'll be taking another class at the end of the month if I can round up $30.  We're running a little poor these days. . .

The other day my husband came home to cookies and upon seeing them, he exclaimed "and you didn't even burn the second batch!"  If that tells you anything about my cookie baking skills.  They're awesome I tell you.

Camryn pooped in the tub agaaaaain.  oh gosh, again.  And I lifted her out and set her on a towel while I cleaned it up, and when I turned around to get her, she'd laid another big fat one on the towel.  Why?  Why???

Today I gave her graham crackers and she's working on the self-feeding thing.  It's really quite adorable how she sticks her entire fist in her mouth in order to eat the little piece of graham cracker lodged in the middle of the fist.  Really adorable in a graham cracker slime covering every inch of her skin kind of way.  The whole session started out like the cookie monster and descended into a reenactment of the scene in Matilda where Miss Trunchbull makes Bruce (Bruce, right?) eat that entire ginormous chocolate cake.

Am I the only mother out there who washes their hands so many times a day that they are dry, cracked, and near bleeding no matter how much lotion I use?  Between feeding myself, feeding Camryn, using the bathroom, changing Camryn's diaper, washing the dishes, washing the tub (waaaaay too often) etc. I swear I wash them 50 times a day.  Solutions anyone?

oh, also, I am going to start an etsy shop to sell my books online since I really want to continue bookbinding but don't really have a way to fund the hobby/classes/materials unless I sell them.  And I hate naming things so I need some help--if you were opening a shop full of hand-bound one of a kind notebooks what would you call it??  suggestions, pretty please.

And now i'm off to reading The Lacuna.  I just started it and I think it's going to be a good one.

A good samaritan

Do you ever have an opportunity to help someone and you don't because:

• it could be awkward
• maybe they just want to be left alone
• you don't think you have what they need
• you don't know what to say
• you think you know what to say, but maybe that's not what they want to hear?
• you're too scared
• you tell yourself you're too busy
• the person in need is a stranger and you don't want to freak them out
• in the past, you've felt like such efforts on your part were wasted, pointless, or unappreciated
• maybe they will shoot you down and reject your help
• you think maybe you will actually make things worse by bringing attention to the fact that they are failing at something and do, in fact, need help

• you just don't.  for no reason.

?

The other day as I arrived at our regular park pushing Camryn in the stroller, there was a teenaged girl sitting on a bench who looked a little distressed.  Right as I lifted Camryn out of her stroller and walked her over to the baby swings, the girl got up and sat in a swing a few yards away from us.  While I was trying to decide if she was crying or not (she was), a girl who had been sitting over on the grass studying came up to her and asked if everything was ok.

Good for her, right?

Well, the girl was embarrassed and waved her off with a "ya.  ya, I'm ok."

The good samaritan (hereafter referred to as TGS) persisted asking "Are you sure?" Obviously something was wrong and was there anything she could do to help?

The girl (yes, I was eavesdropping, they were 2 yards away) said "ya, I'm fine.  Sometimes everything in life all comes down on you at once, ya know?  I just need to relax."

TGS asked her a couple more questions but try as she might, she wasn't getting anywhere.  So she said "ok, well if you want to talk or anything, I'll just be sitting right over there."

I was really quite impressed.  It takes guts to approach a stranger like that and even more to persist through awkwardness like that.  I thought, good for her, but too bad she couldn't actually do anything to help.  Too bad there is someone here that obviously needs a little love and comfort, and someone else who is quite willing and able to give it, but they're just not matching up, the dots just aren't connecting.  Too bad.

And I stood there pushing Camryn and chatting with another mom next to me, and after a little while, the girl got up from the swing and walked over to TGS and sat down to talk to her.

I have no idea at all what was wrong in her life, how big of a deal it was, what they talked about, or if it even helped at all, but the whole situation impressed me and reminded me of a couple of things.  One is that it's really important for us to accept and even ask for help from those around us.  It's not good for us to suffer alone, and that's not the way God intended us to live.  Especially as women, I think that we often think we have to do everything ourselves and don't want to burden anyone else, but sometimes when we have that attitude we are rejecting a support system God has provided for us, and depriving someone else of the opportunity to give service.

A woman I know gave a lesson in relief society and shared an experience about this with us.  She said that she'd recently had a miscarriage that had been devastating to her.  She was a private person and it was typically in her nature to suffer alone and not share her problems with other people.  But she felt strongly that instead to dealing with it that way, she should contact a couple of women in the relief society and tell them what had happened.  She said the comfort she received from them was amazing and not only that, but they put her in contact with some other women in the ward who had gone through the same thing and she was able to talk to them and receive and offer support.  Before telling those women, she said she had no idea how common miscarriages were.  She felt alone and like no one else could understand what she was going through.  Because of her willingness to share her burden, she and many other women were lifted and served each other and grew closer.

So the next time your visiting teachers or a friend or someones asks if you need anything, think about it.  And maybe you really don't need anything.  Or maybe you're really lonely and don't know what to do about it, or you're a new wife and haven't the first clue how to cook anything and it's upsetting you, or you feel terrible about your body and you really want a good exercise buddy support system, or your new baby isn't letting you get any sleep and you would kill for someone to watch him while you take a nap one day.  Or something, right?  I think a lot of us need help and a lot of us have help to give and we don't connect the dots often enough, and sometimes that's not the good samaritans fault.  Sometimes they don't know what we need unless we tell them and accept their service.