Learning Parenting Lessons

Part two of two

Naked baby is happier than clothed baby. Always.

Binkies are like bobby pins. It doesn't matter if you have a pack of 3 or 300, you with loose all of them until you have one left and you will keep that one forever because you can't afford to loose it--the consequences of getting caught without one are too terrible.

Just because your baby was an angel and slept amazing for the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th months of their lives, doesn't mean that you have somehow accidentally stumbled upon the secret to parenthood and that everyone who is up all night with their babies is just missing some special touch that you seem to possess. You may have an unpleasant shocker coming for you month 5.

Bananas 4 days in a row will make your baby constipated. Which they may fail to mention on the THIRTY + websites you consulted on how/when/what to start your baby on solid foods as they happily ramble away about other less important facts and tips. The nurse at your pediatricians office (and your mother) may laugh at you for not knowing this (and that rice cereal and apples are the other 2 things that cause this unfortunate condition and that oh--those happen to be the other 2 most common things suggested as offering your baby as their 1st foods, again, with no warning attached) and tell you to feed your baby prunes and/or pear juice to help. But the nurse at your pediatricians office has probably never tried to feed a baby prunes before (after approximately 2 hours of repeated efforts and one full laundry hamper later, exactly zero of that food made it to any place that it might do any good). And you may have not given your baby a bottle in about 2 months (oops) so she doesn't really take those any more apparently, so the pear juice isn't happening. Moral of this story is don't feed your baby bananas (or apples or rice cereal) 4 days in a row. Call it a rookie mistake, but I'm blaming it on the internet.

Crumpled up pieces of paper make a remarkably entertaining toy for a 5 month old. Sometimes they are better toys than actual toys. So don't throw away all those random free parenting magazines they keep sending you. But don't let her get a hold of the program in church, because they happen to be loud distracting toys.

Constantly nagging your husband to pull out the video camera will definitely pay off with some adorable videos. And you may even get 6 straight minutes of footage of her making that high pitched, not quite a scream, not quite a laugh, I like to call it more like shrieks of joy sound.

When parking at the grocery store, you don't park in the closest spot like you have for your entire driving career. You park in the spot right next to the cart return thing. This way you can put your baby in the car while you unload your groceries and put the cart away. Thank you Emily for this genius tip. Ever tried to pick up and transport a watermelon while you have a baby attached to your front in a sling? Not happening.

For the next many years of my life, leaving the house will not be a simple grab my phones, keys, credit card, and (if I'm embarking on a very complicated series of errands) a purse. Leaving the house now is a whole diaper-bag bonanza. This has been accepted and gotten over.