Irrational Fears

Baby monitors freak. me. out. Don't tell me it's a weird thing to be afraid of--this is genuine. I think it goes back to my baby-sitting days when I heard too many of those scary stories/movies where the babysitter starts getting creepy phone calls and there is a serial killer in the kids room, or the parents come home to find them all chopped to pieces in the living room. As if there isn't already something a little unsettling about being alone at night, the monitor has to make that sound . . . the low buzz with the lights that flicker at any slight change in decibel readings. It makes me feel like I'm in the part of a scary movie when the scary music starts and the whole audience knows that something bad is about to happen and any second i'm going start hearing something else through the monitor like heavy footsteps, slow raspy breathing, or a voice. yikes.

Right now I don't have much need to use our monitors since she still sleeps in a bassinet right by my bed, but soon she will graduate to an actual crib in a different room and . . . I really don't think I can sleep at night with that low creepy buzz of impending doom. What's a mom to do?

Dad

So, being up with the baby in the middle of the night is my job, not dad's. As hard as it is sometimes to roll out of bed, I'm not the one who has to be at an organic chemistry lecture by 9 a.m. and study all day. Besides that, something about my anatomy makes me automatically in charge of feeding her. That said, Saturday night is the only night that I don't feel bad about saying "I'm too tired! You take this one babe" (That is, after I've fed her, put her back down and she's still fussing.) That means that last night, Tanner had a little party with Camryn from 3-6 a.m. while I got some precious (oh so precious!) sleep. Later that day he took over the caregiving again while I attended an hour of church. Upon my return, I found him curled up on the couch in the fetal position and was greeted: "I'm breaking down! How do you do this??" One hour people. I was gone for an hour. I'm feeling pretty good about my mommy abilities after that!

Goodreads

Do any of you know about Goodreads? I want to put in a plug for it here because I think it's really cool and want more of my friends to use it. It's a social media site all about reading. You can rate books that you read or have read in the past and the site will generate recommendations for you based on your reading history and ratings. You can add friends and get a stream of updates like on Facebook about who just read what, what they rated it, read their review of it (or hundreds of other reviews of it). You can create to-read, currently reading, and already read lists and view your friends lists. Or you can just search for books you want to read on listopia by genre, popularity, ratings, etc. If you are a reader (who isn't a reader? that doesn't really make sense to me unless of course you can't read) you should check it out. And add me as a friend!

Also, seeing as I'm am a late comer to the blogging world (I always have been late on technological trends--texting, facebook, a phone that doesn't look like it's from the 80s, all the way back to gigapets in elementary school) I would like some recommendations on what blogs you like/follow/read. Give me a list please! Cooking, fashion, political, photography--whatever. I've stumbled upon a few and I know there have got to be some great ones out there.

Oreos

My birthday wish was for 8 hours of sleep. Camryn came about as close as I could hope for to fulfilling my wish. I fed her at 11, was in bed by 12, and was only up with her from 4-5:30. And then she slept until 9!!! Oh happy day I haven't had that much sleep in a while.

But this post isn't about Camryn's sleeping habits, as exciting of a topic as that is. It's about Oreos and how I'm obsessed with them. My mother came over to help me with the baby the day we brought her home from the hospital and brought with her half the contents of Costco. Nothing says congratulations on your new baby like a Costco size box of Oreos. (and cheese, bread, lunch meat, Ritz, M&Ms, English muffins, chips, etc. etc. . . thank you mom. We are grateful for all the Costco sized items, but to be honest mostly the Oreos) Every night, Tanner and I would sit on the couch and down and sleeve or two between us. Ya know when you forget about something amazing and wonderful that you totally love and derive so much joy from and then all of a sudden you rediscover it? I love a good old fashioned stack of Oreos dipped in cold milk. There is nothing better. And I just wanted to throw this out there in case you, too, have forgotten.

Make up Magnets

This is what we do on Saturday night when husband is at the library all night and I am home with baby: make a DIY make-up magnet board. Is it super lame and cliche that I'm blogging about a DIY project? I feel like it is. I'm going to do it anyway because my makeup board is cool. So I actually made the magnet board at girls camp once so I've had it for a long time. All I really had to do was attach it to my bathroom wall next to the mirror with command strips and then hot glue little magnets to all my makeup. (Yes, I know I hardly use any makeup and yes, I did put my deodorant on there too. Many a morning has been made stressful because Dana cannot find her deodorant (or a lot of other things for that matter, as a roommate once put it "Dana--it's like you live in a constant Bermuda triangle) and yes, i just used parentheses within parentheses. what now. done with parentheses.) also my board has little holes to hold earrings, a hook for my ever elusive and constantly disappearing hair elastics, and additional magnets to hang necklaces or whatever else strikes my fancy. And a picture of my handsome husband.

Learning Lessons

Lessons learned in the first 4 (almost) weeks of my first little baby's life:

If she is crying: the fact that I just fed her does not rule out hunger as the reason for the crying. Neither does the fact that I just changed her rule out a messy diaper as the reason for the crying.

She will usually cry during a diaper changing. If she is strangely quiet or suddenly stops crying--look out. She's probably about to pee on you. . . or already has. Contrary to popular belief, having a girl does not exempt one from getting peed on.

Camryn and I have different taste in clothing. My least favorites outfits will last nearly 24 hours. My favorite ones will be immediately peed on, spit up on, or the victim of a blowout.

Baby is boss. Baby determines when (and if) I sleep, eat, shower, or clean.

Sleeping anytime between 3:30 and 7:00 a.m. is not really her style.

She likes The Black Keys. And Jaymay. Not so fond of The Arcade Fire though--we'll work on that.

Something about being on her tummy terrifies her. Even thought the doctor said she needs it to develop certain muscles and keep her getting a flat head and having to wear one of those baby helmets. Her eyes get huge and wide and her breathing gets really fast before she bursts into screams--most of the time. She's getting the hang of it though. Mom's repeated assurances that "we like being on our tummy, being on our tummy is fun" are very persuasive.

She's stronger than you think. When you're burping her--hold on tight. She's got this killer back head dive thing that can take you very off guard.

When she's kept me up all night or just had a pee that filled half the laundry hamper (pjs, under-onsie, blanket, changing table cover, my outfit if i'm unlucky)--she knows. And will be extra good (and extra cute) for the next little while to make up for it.

She's cutest right after she wakes up, but right before she starts crying for you to feed or change her. Don't miss that prime time. She'll give you 80 different facial expressions in under a minute and does the most adorable series of stretches you've ever seen. Love it.

And my final lesson: Have a sense of humor. Babies require it.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day!! I love this holiday. There is something about love, flowers, chocolate (all valentines candy, really, I love holiday specific candy) and red and pink everything that just makes me excessively happy. (And not just because I have an awesome husband who cooked me a lovely candlelit filet mignon dinner) Also, I love making and giving Valentines cards. I don't really know why but again--something about the hearts and the colors and the love-giving just gets me. When did this day become only about couples? Yes, Tanner is my #1 most important valentine. He gets the biggest card, the most candy, and the only kisses. But remember elementary school when everyone made a special Valentines box and brought a valentine for every single member of the class? I have a fantasy where real life is that way and everyone walks around passing out Valentines to everyone they know and love--not just their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. So that's kind of what I do. Sorry if you didn't get one--it doesn't mean I don't love you!

long sleepless night

I forgot to knock on wood after my last post. A huge oversight on my part. Today Camryn was not an easy baby. She woke up at 1 a.m. , 3 a.m., 6 a.m. . . . it was a very long night. Sleeping with a newborn baby right next to you is kind of like trying to sleep on a plane. You are desperately, miserably tired and want sleep more than you've ever wanted anything, and you keep deluding yourself into thinking you can get it--but every time you try, you fail. That's how last night was. And then today was pretty much more of the same. We'll be optimistic about tonight.
I don't want to be one of those parents who post endless streams of cute pictures of their children. But . . . a certain sister of mine in Texas who has not yet seen my baby has demanded more photos. And until I find an easier way of getting them to her--here they are! And let's be honest--she is exceptionally cute.







The nurses in the NICU told me that when I give her a bath, I should keep her swaddled in her blanket and put her straight in the bath. That seemed really weird to me but the first bath--I didn't do it and she screamed bloody murder the whole time. After that, I tried it and she loved her bath. The swaddle blanket keeps her nice and warm!

new mom holla

I love being this little girls mom. Have you ever heard a brand new mom tell you that this is easier than she thought it was going to be? Well I am going to--at the risk of making others with more difficult new babies hate me. (And also at the risk making long-time mothers laugh at me and say "oh you just wait"--which is exactly what the nurses did at the hospital when I burst out "ohhh she's even cute when she cries!!) This is easier than I thought it was going to be. It started with my labor and delivery being a piece of cake. Now, I now that everyone is different and many people do have truly grueling, exhausting, painful, miserable deliveries. But I am going to share my experience as a shout out to any of my pregnant friends who are terrified of delivering their baby (those birthing class videos don't exactly calm this type of anxiety). I worked that day until 6 p.m., started having contractions at 6:30, and by 8:00 was admitted to the hospital. I'd planned on an epidural but had no idea how easy everything would be after that big old needle made all of my pain go away. I will say--contractions hurt bad, but at least you get breaks in between each one to recover, right? And honestly I had 20 minutes of I-think-I-might-die painful contractions before that beautiful epidural worked it's magic and then it was all over. 20 minutes. No big deal. That 20 minutes though definitely give me a respect for the millions of women through the ages who have delivered babies without any kind of pain reflief (I'm reminded of this book I had to read for anthropology class called The Harmless People all about the bushmen in Africa. If I remember right there was an entire chapter dedicated to how women give birth--which basically boiled down to this: when they start having contractions, the go off alone into the brush and don't come back until they've delivered their baby. Alone. Yikes) That said I really don't understand why people still choose to do this without an epidural. I consider it a blessing. Embrace it ladies. It is sweet warm wonderful pain relief and I was happy as can be, not in pain, and not exhausted when I held Camryn for the first time. (At 11:30. Only 5 hours, lucky me!)
6 lbs. 14 oz. 19 inches long. She spend a couple of days in the NICU because of some scaring choking/oxygen issues she had the first day, and then some low blood sugar concerns, but after a couple of days she was doing great and we got to take her home!
I thought my new baby would be crying all the time, but really she isn't. I spend more time trying to wake her up for feedings than trying to get her to fall asleep. I thought I would be miserably tired all of the time--but I didn't count on the fact that I get long naps in the middle of the day when Camryn is taking them. Those definitely make the 3:30 and 6:30 feedings a lot more doable. I thought I would get totally bored and stir crazy being inside alone all day--not quite there yet. She keeps me so busy that I don't have time to be bored. (and who really wants to go outside in Utah in February anyway unless it's in the mountains?)
And even when rolling out of bed at 2 or 3 a.m. is really really hard, I get to pick up this totally beautiful little girl looking up at me with huge adorable eyes and just die at how cute she is. The fact that I have to go change her diaper and then feed her for half an hour in the middle of the night is totally ok.
I used to consider myself a very optimistic person, but I think somewhere lately I've lost some of that. Not that I was a basket case or anything but there are a lot of bad "what ifs" that come with having a baby and I think I spent too much time entertaining them. What if. . . I can't handle sleep deprivation, what if her crying makes me crazy, what if I miss working and studying and don't like being a stay-at-home?, what if I get depressed and stir crazy, never get my body back, etc. . . There are a lot of bad things that could happen and might happen, but my advice to any future moms is to not worry about any of that. One tiny little cute look on her face instantly makes up for every bad anything and just fills me up with love for this beautiful little girl. She makes it easy by being so dang easy to love.

Camryn's First Photos

Here she is--my beautiful new baby girl