- it could be awkward
- maybe they just want to be left alone
- you don't think you have what they need
- you don't know what to say
- you think you know what to say, but maybe that's not what they want to hear?
- you're too scared
- you tell yourself you're too busy
- the person in need is a stranger and you don't want to freak them out
- in the past, you've felt like such efforts on your part were wasted, pointless, or unappreciated
- maybe they will shoot you down and reject your help
- you think maybe you will actually make things worse by bringing attention to the fact that they are failing at something and do, in fact, need help
- you just don't. for no reason.
?
The other day as I arrived at our regular park pushing Camryn in the stroller, there was a teenaged girl sitting on a bench who looked a little distressed. Right as I lifted Camryn out of her stroller and walked her over to the baby swings, the girl got up and sat in a swing a few yards away from us. While I was trying to decide if she was crying or not (she was), a girl who had been sitting over on the grass studying came up to her and asked if everything was ok.
Good for her, right?
Well, the girl was embarrassed and waved her off with a "ya. ya, I'm ok."
The good samaritan (hereafter referred to as TGS) persisted asking "Are you sure?" Obviously something was wrong and was there anything she could do to help?
The girl (yes, I was eavesdropping, they were 2 yards away) said "ya, I'm fine. Sometimes everything in life all comes down on you at once, ya know? I just need to relax."
TGS asked her a couple more questions but try as she might, she wasn't getting anywhere. So she said "ok, well if you want to talk or anything, I'll just be sitting right over there."
I was really quite impressed. It takes guts to approach a stranger like that and even more to persist through awkwardness like that. I thought, good for her, but too bad she couldn't actually do anything to help. Too bad there is someone here that obviously needs a little love and comfort, and someone else who is quite willing and able to give it, but they're just not matching up, the dots just aren't connecting. Too bad.
And I stood there pushing Camryn and chatting with another mom next to me, and after a little while, the girl got up from the swing and walked over to TGS and sat down to talk to her.
I have no idea at all what was wrong in her life, how big of a deal it was, what they talked about, or if it even helped at all, but the whole situation impressed me and reminded me of a couple of things. One is that it's really important for us to accept and even ask for help from those around us. It's not good for us to suffer alone, and that's not the way God intended us to live. Especially as women, I think that we often think we have to do everything ourselves and don't want to burden anyone else, but sometimes when we have that attitude we are rejecting a support system God has provided for us, and depriving someone else of the opportunity to give service.
A woman I know gave a lesson in relief society and shared an experience about this with us. She said that she'd recently had a miscarriage that had been devastating to her. She was a private person and it was typically in her nature to suffer alone and not share her problems with other people. But she felt strongly that instead to dealing with it that way, she should contact a couple of women in the relief society and tell them what had happened. She said the comfort she received from them was amazing and not only that, but they put her in contact with some other women in the ward who had gone through the same thing and she was able to talk to them and receive and offer support. Before telling those women, she said she had no idea how common miscarriages were. She felt alone and like no one else could understand what she was going through. Because of her willingness to share her burden, she and many other women were lifted and served each other and grew closer.
So the next time your visiting teachers or a friend or someones asks if you need anything, think about it. And maybe you really don't need anything. Or maybe you're really lonely and don't know what to do about it, or you're a new wife and haven't the first clue how to cook anything and it's upsetting you, or you feel terrible about your body and you really want a good exercise buddy support system, or your new baby isn't letting you get any sleep and you would kill for someone to watch him while you take a nap one day. Or something, right? I think a lot of us need help and a lot of us have help to give and we don't connect the dots often enough, and sometimes that's not the good samaritans fault. Sometimes they don't know what we need unless we tell them and accept their service.
Good for her, right?
Well, the girl was embarrassed and waved her off with a "ya. ya, I'm ok."
The good samaritan (hereafter referred to as TGS) persisted asking "Are you sure?" Obviously something was wrong and was there anything she could do to help?
The girl (yes, I was eavesdropping, they were 2 yards away) said "ya, I'm fine. Sometimes everything in life all comes down on you at once, ya know? I just need to relax."
TGS asked her a couple more questions but try as she might, she wasn't getting anywhere. So she said "ok, well if you want to talk or anything, I'll just be sitting right over there."
I was really quite impressed. It takes guts to approach a stranger like that and even more to persist through awkwardness like that. I thought, good for her, but too bad she couldn't actually do anything to help. Too bad there is someone here that obviously needs a little love and comfort, and someone else who is quite willing and able to give it, but they're just not matching up, the dots just aren't connecting. Too bad.
And I stood there pushing Camryn and chatting with another mom next to me, and after a little while, the girl got up from the swing and walked over to TGS and sat down to talk to her.
I have no idea at all what was wrong in her life, how big of a deal it was, what they talked about, or if it even helped at all, but the whole situation impressed me and reminded me of a couple of things. One is that it's really important for us to accept and even ask for help from those around us. It's not good for us to suffer alone, and that's not the way God intended us to live. Especially as women, I think that we often think we have to do everything ourselves and don't want to burden anyone else, but sometimes when we have that attitude we are rejecting a support system God has provided for us, and depriving someone else of the opportunity to give service.
A woman I know gave a lesson in relief society and shared an experience about this with us. She said that she'd recently had a miscarriage that had been devastating to her. She was a private person and it was typically in her nature to suffer alone and not share her problems with other people. But she felt strongly that instead to dealing with it that way, she should contact a couple of women in the relief society and tell them what had happened. She said the comfort she received from them was amazing and not only that, but they put her in contact with some other women in the ward who had gone through the same thing and she was able to talk to them and receive and offer support. Before telling those women, she said she had no idea how common miscarriages were. She felt alone and like no one else could understand what she was going through. Because of her willingness to share her burden, she and many other women were lifted and served each other and grew closer.
So the next time your visiting teachers or a friend or someones asks if you need anything, think about it. And maybe you really don't need anything. Or maybe you're really lonely and don't know what to do about it, or you're a new wife and haven't the first clue how to cook anything and it's upsetting you, or you feel terrible about your body and you really want a good exercise buddy support system, or your new baby isn't letting you get any sleep and you would kill for someone to watch him while you take a nap one day. Or something, right? I think a lot of us need help and a lot of us have help to give and we don't connect the dots often enough, and sometimes that's not the good samaritans fault. Sometimes they don't know what we need unless we tell them and accept their service.
I love this.
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