Saturday, November 10, 2012

Anticipatory Dread

3:30 is the new 8 a.m., haven't you heard?  Or maybe (probably) that's just Camryn's take on things.  She still wakes up in the middle of the night, but she's usually wanting to be fed or have her binky back.  Last night it was because she was ready to go.  The neighbors behind us have a back porch light that shines right into our window (and holy cow is brighter than the sun), which has always bothered us, but last night it was reflecting off of all the snow (snow!) and it honestly might have been the middle of the day.  So I think Camryn thought it was.  I really need to cover her window with something black and light hiding like I've been intending to.

Well enough with those directionless ramblings and. . . on to other directionless ramblings.

I'm going to just right now go ahead and begin the choruses that we'll hear marveling at the snow today (snow!) Because that's just what we human beings do, right?  We talk about the weather.  And the snow is unbelievable!

For some reason, I've been dreading winter, and all of a sudden in a day it is here in all it's 30 degree, frozen everything, snow covered glory.  Do you ever dread something and you keep thinking about the bad parts and forget the good parts and the negativity keeps circling around in your head until all you can see is the worst case senario playing through in your mind convincing you that you will be beyond miserable through the entire thing?  In this case, the picture being me all winter as a lonely, bored out of my mind, stir crazy hermit-mom locked in the apartment that becomes my cage as the world freezes over, chasing an into-everything toddler all day long every day forgetting what it's like to talk to adults, to breathe fresh air, etc. etc. you get the picture.  And I'm not manic depressive (I promise) but I've probably invested far too much negative energy in this little vision of mine as I soaked up the fall season as if I would never be happy ever again once it was over.

But then it happened-- winter hit.  Temperature plummeted, it snowed like crazy all day long and. . . I didn't crumple into a heap of seasonal blues.  I enjoyed a lovely indoor day of knitting, bookbinding, cooking and standing at the window with Camryn watching the snow.  And when we did venture out to go to the grocery store, I remembered, oh yeah, I LOVE being outside in the snow and bundling up in boots and coats and getting my hair filled with snowflakes and looking straight up until I get dizzy or hit in the eye with one.  It's kind of absolutely fabulous.

And I can't WAIT to ski!!! And since I didn't get to ski for an entire season last year I'm bursting with 2 years worth of excitement.  I can almost smell the fresh I'm-on-top-of-the-world air now.  And Thanksgiving is coming and Christmas is coming and I can't wait to spend a lot of time with all of my siblings which doesn't happen much anymore (especially Alison and Zach who are flying in this year!) And there is Camryn's birthday (my 1st child's 1st birthday, oh man I'm getting all excited and sentimental over here), Tanner's birthday, my birthday, Valentines Day all of which I absolutely love (and all 3 of which are celebrations that got majorly shafted last year due to my 8 months pregnant through 1 month post partum self).  I'll get my husband back for the whole Christmas break when he only has to work instead of work and school.  And guys, my husband is really fun to hang out with.  And I can take camryn sledding!  How fun!  And take her to see Christmas lights and buy her her first christmas presents and knit her a couple more ridiculous but adorable hats (I'm getting better guys)  and chasing her around the apartment actually sounds like a blast (insert all the veteran mothers laughing at me here).  And it's not exactly a rule that we can't go outside, we'll just have to bundle up.  (And I'm yes, I'm going to start every sentence in this entire paragraph with the word and.  deal with it) And I have lots of friends to rough the really freezing boring days with me.  And you know, there's indoor activities, the aquarium, the library, Target (let's not even talk about how many moms have told me that Target is their long winter day escape) and. . .

winter is not going to be the worst thing that ever happened to me.  And it doesn't ever actually get to feeling that way until about March, and we'll just take March when it comes.  So, Dana, calm yourself and enjoy it.  

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