new mom holla

I love being this little girls mom. Have you ever heard a brand new mom tell you that this is easier than she thought it was going to be? Well I am going to--at the risk of making others with more difficult new babies hate me. (And also at the risk making long-time mothers laugh at me and say "oh you just wait"--which is exactly what the nurses did at the hospital when I burst out "ohhh she's even cute when she cries!!) This is easier than I thought it was going to be. It started with my labor and delivery being a piece of cake. Now, I now that everyone is different and many people do have truly grueling, exhausting, painful, miserable deliveries. But I am going to share my experience as a shout out to any of my pregnant friends who are terrified of delivering their baby (those birthing class videos don't exactly calm this type of anxiety). I worked that day until 6 p.m., started having contractions at 6:30, and by 8:00 was admitted to the hospital. I'd planned on an epidural but had no idea how easy everything would be after that big old needle made all of my pain go away. I will say--contractions hurt bad, but at least you get breaks in between each one to recover, right? And honestly I had 20 minutes of I-think-I-might-die painful contractions before that beautiful epidural worked it's magic and then it was all over. 20 minutes. No big deal. That 20 minutes though definitely give me a respect for the millions of women through the ages who have delivered babies without any kind of pain reflief (I'm reminded of this book I had to read for anthropology class called The Harmless People all about the bushmen in Africa. If I remember right there was an entire chapter dedicated to how women give birth--which basically boiled down to this: when they start having contractions, the go off alone into the brush and don't come back until they've delivered their baby. Alone. Yikes) That said I really don't understand why people still choose to do this without an epidural. I consider it a blessing. Embrace it ladies. It is sweet warm wonderful pain relief and I was happy as can be, not in pain, and not exhausted when I held Camryn for the first time. (At 11:30. Only 5 hours, lucky me!)
6 lbs. 14 oz. 19 inches long. She spend a couple of days in the NICU because of some scaring choking/oxygen issues she had the first day, and then some low blood sugar concerns, but after a couple of days she was doing great and we got to take her home!
I thought my new baby would be crying all the time, but really she isn't. I spend more time trying to wake her up for feedings than trying to get her to fall asleep. I thought I would be miserably tired all of the time--but I didn't count on the fact that I get long naps in the middle of the day when Camryn is taking them. Those definitely make the 3:30 and 6:30 feedings a lot more doable. I thought I would get totally bored and stir crazy being inside alone all day--not quite there yet. She keeps me so busy that I don't have time to be bored. (and who really wants to go outside in Utah in February anyway unless it's in the mountains?)
And even when rolling out of bed at 2 or 3 a.m. is really really hard, I get to pick up this totally beautiful little girl looking up at me with huge adorable eyes and just die at how cute she is. The fact that I have to go change her diaper and then feed her for half an hour in the middle of the night is totally ok.
I used to consider myself a very optimistic person, but I think somewhere lately I've lost some of that. Not that I was a basket case or anything but there are a lot of bad "what ifs" that come with having a baby and I think I spent too much time entertaining them. What if. . . I can't handle sleep deprivation, what if her crying makes me crazy, what if I miss working and studying and don't like being a stay-at-home?, what if I get depressed and stir crazy, never get my body back, etc. . . There are a lot of bad things that could happen and might happen, but my advice to any future moms is to not worry about any of that. One tiny little cute look on her face instantly makes up for every bad anything and just fills me up with love for this beautiful little girl. She makes it easy by being so dang easy to love.