I'm linking up with
Merrick's blog today to answer the question what is your greatest accomplishment of 2012? I thought about it really hard and obviously I could say birthing a human but let's be honest that's something my body was going to do whether I liked it or not so I asked myself, what have I done this year that I feel really
accomplished about? And I decided it's that I've figured out how to be happy in my new role--I feel like I have finally reached a good level of contentment in doing my job as a full time baby-raiser. (I just realized I really hate the term stay at home mom. Is it because stay seems like such a passive almost non-verb? Is it because it makes it sound like you are a hermit whose responsibilities lie solely within 4 walls that you don't ever actually leave? Is it because when people claim it they often put a self-degrading "just" in front of it?
I'm "just" a stay at home mom. I "just" stay home with the kids. As if we're ashamed that we don't do something more important with our time and wished we could claim some nobler title. I really admire
this lady and the way she stated "I'm a Mom" when asked what she does for a living. Just is just one word but it makes such a difference, no?
We should do away with the term SAHM altogether (and certainly the acronym) and replace it with baby-raising. or full time nurturer? Mother of one? professional caregiver? (no, that one sounds like I work in a nursing home) I'm done now. Making this the longest parenthesis I've used to date.)
It took some time to get used to though. It's not a job that comes with an automatic daily sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. It took a lot of work, effort, and thought on my part to figure out how to
feel fulfilled everyday. So in case you new or someday-to-be moms who will stay at home with your babies don't feel like you've received enough advice, here is some from me :) But first I want to point out these things are what I've discovered so far to be helpful. Everyone is different and I think it's really important to figure out what exactly it is that
you need to be happy in your role.
1) Get ready every day. This is important. When the biggest item on your to-do list for the whole day is "return some library books" or "grocery shop" it's
really easy to feel like it's pointless to ever get dressed, fix your hair, or put on any makeup. But let me tell you, sweats and no makeup every day gets depressing really fast. Yes, there will definitely be occasional days when it's fine to not get ready (especially that first little newborn while) but for the most part, do it. Even if the only people you will see that day are your baby, your husband, and maybe the bank teller. Even if it's just mascara, jeans and t-shirt. You'll feel so much better about yourself. I took that advice from this little blog
here and it really made a difference.
2) Make exercising a priority. This one as always been an easy one for me, but I know for a lot of people it's not--but I believe in endorphins!! They're real. There are so many excuses not to, but instead of using those, find excuses
to do it. Go to classes at the gym. If you can't afford a gym pass, ride your bike. If you don't have a bike, go running. If you don't have a jogging stroller, get a babysitter for 30 minutes and go by yourself. Or buy a video. None of your excuses are good ones!
3) Don't forget the grass isn't always greener on the other side. It's really easy to think "if I just had this
one other little thing I'm missing, I would be totally happy." It's easy to miss the intellectual stimulation and challenge we felt in school, or the fulfillment your work gave you, whether it was just adult conversation, recognition for your efforts, or the feeling of contributing to society and bringing home income. Staying at home with your baby has it's amazingly gratifying aspects, but it's not always the funnest thing in the world. When it's not, just remember that sometimes studying was miserable and sometimes work was boring.
4) Form a network. Knowing a lot of other new moms has made me feel a looot less isolated. Like, a looooooot. Hanging out with people in my same situation and blogging have kind of saved me.
5) Find something stimulating, challenging, and significant to do with some of your time. This is probably the biggest one for me. After everything else, I just have a lot more down time than I've had, oh, ever. I didn't know what to do with myself all day or when Camryn was sleeping and I couldn't go anywhere, and small hobbies like reading and knitting just weren't cutting it for me. I'd end up feeling really unproductive and useless. Learning bookbinding has given me something to do that is challenging, stimulating, really fulfilling and takes a lot of time. Now, when Camryn takes a nap, I have something meaningful to me to go do instead of just "well, I guess I'll fold some laundry, make some muffins, and read some blogs." In addition to the bookbinding, I have a big writing project in the works and on my mind. Those two things are huge in helping me have goals that I'm working towards and progressing instead of just feeling like I do the same thing every day.
6) Go outside.
Feel free to comment if you have any amens or thoughts to add to the list!
