I've been thinking about jealousy. And I can't really seem to organize this so I think what you are about to get is some disjointed pieces of my thoughts on the matter. What else are blogs for?

First of all, I'm thinking there are two facets of jealousy. One is just plain wanting something (usually that you can't or don't have). Someone is wearing a beautiful something, or has a fantastic job, or lives in a beautiful place and we, as the humans that we are, see those desirable things and we want them. Often, it could be called greed, but a lot of the times, it really is just desire. There are a lot of good things in this world and we are drawn to them because they are good. Loving spouses, beautiful children, adventurous vacations, fulfilling careers, fashionable clothing, awesome hair, flawless skin, a perfect figure, popularity, loyal friends, financial security, talent in a million different forms, recognition, freedom from trials or illness--these are all things that most of us want and I think it's normal to want. But the wanting part is not all jealousy is--because if that were the case we would just have the words desire, want, and greed and there would be no place in our language for the word jealousy, so what's the difference?

Jealousy is a bad feeling you have towards someone because they have that good thing that you want. Jealousy is directed at people. You don't feel jealous of Bob's expensive car, you feel jealous of Bob because he has an expensive car. Does that make sense? The difference? Jealousy is a resentful, uneasy, bitter, and sometimes angry and hateful awful feeling that we feel towards other people when they are enjoying something good in life. Which makes no sense at all, people.

If these things are so good, so desirable, and especially if they are things that we, specifically, want, then why feel bad toward someone else because they do have it? Shouldn't we take joy knowing that they are happy? Shouldn't thinking about how happy that thing must make them make us feel good inside for them, knowing that they are happy? Now I'm just running circles here. But I'm going to keep going anyway--shouldn't the unemployed person or the one that completely hates their job and knows what a horrible state it is to be in not to like or have a job be all that much more happy for their friend who enjoys a great and fulfilling one? Or a woman who wants a child be that much more happy for a friend she finds out is pregnant because she knows how painful infertility is? Or someone who is overweight or struggles with eating disorders be that much more happy for someone with a happy healthy body image who looks great in their jeans?

That isn't our nature though. I'm not at all criticisizing those who don't magically feel how the "should" feel instead of feeling jealous because it is sooooo hard sometimes.  For some reason, our nature is to see those things and be jealous. What is it exactly that we want when we feel that way? Do we want the people around us to be miserable, ugly, unsuccessful and unhappy just so that we can feel better about ourselves in comparison?? I think it's a very sneaky trick of the devil, getting us to feel this way towards people instead of what God wants us to feel towards them which is charity.

Lately, I've realized I'm much less likely to feel jealous towards the people that I love and know the best, which I think is interesting. Maybe it's because when you see a stranger or someone you don't know very well receive an awesome blessing, it's easy to extrapolate in your mind and start to thinking that they have everything. That their lives are perfect and free from problems and that everything comes easily to them. When, if your best friend receives the same blessing, you often know how hard they had to work for it, or maybe that thing did come easily to them, but you are aware of other areas in their lives where they struggle, have had hardships, or have gotten the hard end of things. Or maybe it's just that love is stronger than jealousy and if you love someone enough, why wouldn't you want them be be blessed and successful in everything they do?

We had a discussion on this topic at church yesterday (ironically, since I wrote the bulk of this a couple days ago) and someone made the interesting observation that often, our jealousy can make not only us feel terrible, but often also the object of our jealousy.  She said that she often feels like the one who is disproportionately blessed and told of feeling overwhelming guilt sometimes when members of her family have reacted bitterly and jealously to the news of her successes.  How sad.  When those should have been the very people cheering her on the hardest.

Think of a time when something really good has happened to you. Something big and exciting. Who did you want to tell first? Which of your friends did you know would scream for joy when the heard the news, sincerely, genuinely happy for you, wanting to hear all about it and you didn't have to hold back for fear of making them jealous? Even if you just got engaged and they just got dumped?  Or you just got a promotion and they just got fired? I want to be that kind of person that can be happy for someone else no matter my own circumstances in the same category. Because it doesn't matter how good I have it, there will always be things I can't have or people that have some things better than I do. But I think if we're smart, we can realize what things we have been blessed with and not be bitter towards others for their successes.  It's infinitely easier said than done, but I think it's a virtue worthing fostering.

This guy (Jeffrey Holland) says it better than I do:

"Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed.
coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image. So be kind, and be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live."  --Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

And that, my friends, is the most epically long blog post I do believe I've ever written.